Loving Prescence: Showing You Care During a Time of Grief
Going through a loss is tough, and you want to be supportive of the people who lost someone. So, how do you be sympathetic during times of loss?
A simple, sincere message or small gesture can go a long way in helping someone feel seen and supported. Whether you're close to the person or just want to reach out thoughtfully, here’s how you can show sympathy and truly be there when it matters most.
It is appropriate to be sympathetic over text message or social media, especially if:
- You won't see them in person.
- You’re not extremely close to the person, but still want to acknowledge the loss.
- You want to offer immediate comfort and support before following up more personally later.
When should you reach out?
It is appropriate to send a text message as soon as you find out. Sooner is better, to show that you care and are thinking about them.
Sometimes you may not know until later than others, and it's ok to reach out as soon as you find out. Any kind of support is support no matter how late you can provide it. Remember, speaking up and offering your support is better than saying nothing at all.
Message Examples
Short Message:
“I’m so sorry for your loss. I'm thinking of you and your family.”
“My heart goes out to you. Please let me know if you need anything.”
“Wishing you peace and comfort during this incredibly difficult time.”
“I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I’m thinking of you and sending you strength.”
More Personal Message:
“I was heartbroken to hear about your _________. They were such a kind soul. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
“I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, but I’m here if you need someone to talk to or just sit with you in silence.”
"Grieving doesn’t have a schedule. I’ll be here today, tomorrow, or next month... whenever you need me.”
“I’ll be thinking of [Name] and of you today. I know how deeply you loved each other.”
If You’re Unsure What to Say:
“I don’t have the right words, but I’m here for you. Sending love your way.”
“There’s nothing I can say to take the pain away, but I want you to know I care and I’m thinking of you.”
If You’re Offering Support:
“If you need help with anything... meals, errands, or just someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Your _______ was a blessing to all who knew them. I’m praying for you as you mourn their loss and celebrate their life. Please reach out if you need anything.”
Tips for Messaging:
Do not worry if the person doesn't get back to you quick. They need to assist with memorial plans. Also they may not have the energy to respond, as this time can feel super overwhelming. Just be ready to support them when they are ready.
Don’t overthink your message. Simple and sincere is better than overly long messages at this time. You can provide a longer message in a sympathy card.
Don’t ask too many questions. Now is not the time to get the details about their death. It is time for support. They may open up to you in the future if they are comfortable and need to talk.
Follow up a few days after their response with another check-in, especially if they’re close to you.
What you can do:
Attend any memorial event if possible. Send a heartfelt sympathy card or a thoughtful personalized sympathy gift.
Even small gestures of support can mean a lot. Some of these small gestures can be bringing over a meal, mowing their lawn, grocery shopping, watching their kids, and more. Even getting them out of the house can be a big help. Spa days, coffee dates, and lunch dates are great suggestions to make when you feel they are ready.
Keep checking on them months later. Ask them what their favorite things about this person was. Keep the memory of this person alive and make an effort to remind this person how special they were.
Loss of a loved one is unpredictable, and deeply personal. Some people want to talk. Others will withdraw. Let them lead, and don’t take it personally if they want space. Everyone is different and it is important to be able to read someone and understand what is best for them.
Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and there’s no perfect thing to say, but simply showing up with compassion and consistency can make a lasting difference. Whether you are offering small or big gestures of support, your presence reminds them that they are not alone during this time. In moments of loss, love is often felt most deeply through sincere gestures.